top of page

The year of subtraction

59 solar returns...

I often say this whole journey (incarnation) is an unbecoming. Every year I (little i ) disappears a little more. Dissolving into the ( big I... the INFINITE).

It is a welcome dissolve. I am happy to lose the constructs (little i) has built to survive.

Recently I shared my recovery journey on a recovery platform.

I decided to share it in decades.

It was a very eye opening process not just in terms of how addiction manifested over the years (in essence to protect (little I) and ultimately take her down. But, even more interesting, to see how freaking lost we have been and like reaching the peak of a mountain where the air is clear and we can see how far we’ve climbed, we arrive.

How each decade we are shown through a barrage of trial, errors, uphills and downhills what we need to see to evolve! They are our course correctors.

We need it all.

So instead of carrying some ball and chain of shame and remorse over what happened, or could have, should have happened, into the next day, week, month, year, or decade.

Put it on an altar with the rest of your greatest teachers, deities and totems. Our experiences are our teachers perfectly designed for each of us. Precisely and meticulously designed for our journey inward and hOMe..

It is from this perspective of hindsight, that we can evolve with gratitude and compassion for this dear sweet life that we are practicing the art of unbecoming.

It is here that we can clearly see that we have already transcended much of the conditioning and wayward thinking that kept us spun up in endless craving!

Each year another layer

Without making it JUST about recovery , I encourage all of us to do this for an exploration into your own existence...what this incarnation so far might reveal to you.

Remember this is not to punish us or make us feel badly about ourselves. Instead, it is to reveal the essesence and life lessons we have gleaned through the processes of trial and we NEED both.

Before you begin, find a photograph of little you. One that stirs something in you.

Keep the photo close by in view as you write out the decades.

this is little me:) before any conditioning.....awwwwwww isnt she sweet?







Gently float your mind back as you wash over the decades and begin writing~

( I suggest keeping it to brief bullet points)

  • What happened to her/him? what did he or she pick up, struggle with, learn, in each decade.

  • Maybe title them, as if each were a chapter of your book of life.

  • What did she/he, like to do, how did she spend her time?

  • What did the air feel like to her, what did she think?

  • What did she/he feel like inside?

  • What scared her/him or made her F E E L?

  • What happened to her/him that wasnt her choice?

  • Decade by decade glaze over the moments that defined each one.

This is our souls journey. It is not good, or bad. It just is.

From Dark to light ~ Avidyā to Vidyā

Avidyā (अविद्या) is a Vedic Sanskrit word, and is a compound of "a" and "vidya", meaning "not vidya". The word vidya is derived from the Sanskrit root Vid, which means "to know, to perceive, to see, to understand". Therefore, avidya means to "not know, not perceive, not understand"

In yoga we try to wake up from what we have forgotten and that is that we are pure LOVE, Source.

Avidyā in Sanskrit means menas delusion or ignorance. It is a spiritual ignorance that prevents the individual from connecting to the Source of being and the true Self

Vidya is seeing clearly. Vidya is a Sanskrit word that means “knowledge,” “clarity” or “higher learning.” The term is used to describe both intellectual knowledge obtained through study (apara vidya) and spiritual or higher knowledge (para vidya) that leads to enlightenment, which is the goal of yoga.

What have we learned? What have we overcome? What are we still cycling in and out of?

Happy Solar Returns to all .....and the beat goes on~

41 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page