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Was talking to a long time dearest friend today. She is a friend that understands and feels energy, and she could sense last week that on my actual B I R T H D A Y , I was not feelin it.
The "ME" celebration that I usually like to enact did not show up this year. Like a carnival that missed this stop on its summer tour it just didn't show up.
I kept waiting for it
Normally the celebration begins on July 1, although it is not officially (Leo Season,) it is my birthday MONTH so let the festivities begin!
Openly celebrating my own birth with no restraint or pretense, just in pure joy, amuses me. I love the playfulness of an adult (me) childlike and unapologetically going around expressing excitement for their own birth date. It makes me smile and kind of cracks me up at the same time.
Like Icarus donning his new beautiful Wings in pure elation, he would FLY directly into the lure of the radiant Sun.
But not this year..
Instead, quite the opposite. My emotions swung the other way. Inward and quiet. When asked how I wanted to celebrate, I let my family decide. When asked what I wanted, I asked them if I could instead get them something, or if instead of a present could we just have "time" together.
As the summer days of July beat onward I became less and less of <M E>. I had taken the month off from White Flag classes and events and gotten very quiet to hear that whisper deep inside....
a Prayer really...
S H O W M E
And then a series of events; I call it life L I F E -I N G. Like weather stirring, blowing, thrashing and thundering everything shifts and clears and I found myself left with the mantra. "I'm here now."
A feeling of longing that had kept me separate from everything else had slipped from me. My identity and relevance leaving me like watercolor ribbon streams infusing with all the other colors. I ceased to exist as the same separate outward seeking person (part) that I could not have made myself, "un- become," any sooner. Another layer cracks and falls off. The continuous molting and unbecoming of conscious living.
The loud quiet and still of it.
I am less of who I ever thought I was, and more of who I never thought I could become.
As I continue to let this frequency of a deeper truth permeate and we get "used ,"to each other, I realize it's always been. I just had to UN-BECOME to arrive.
I'M H E R E N O W
I'm here to listen
to embody
to hear
to hold
to cook
to sleep
to walk
to bathe
to hold space
to feed you
to celebrate you
to SEE you
to honor you
to guide you
to show the way
to let it go
to be water
to be fire
to be earth
to be air
to be ether
to exist
to not exist
i am here now
i am here now
i am here now
✨We never get there and were never done
✨Don't give up before the miracle
✨love is all there is
.....and it starts with YOU /US _ Radically and unconditionally loving ourselves
(all the parts)
I'm here now.
xx
k
walking into 58 like........ether
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