I will show you MINE if you show me YOURS

Updated: Apr 9, 2021

Things I crushed in 2020

- I survived the worst pneumonia (aka Covid?) of my life after being bedridden for seven weeks from January 12th to mid February. Collapsing AFTER my son’s 10th birthday party (as any good Mom does)🤪 crossing that finish line and then totally falling apart.

- I maintained another year of Sobriety. ( kind of a BIG DEAL if you understand the DISEASE of ALCOHOLISM and ADDICTION) Were not supposed to survive. Odds not good for someone like me. Sobriety date 5/17/14. On the Journey since 1995. I like to say that I have 25 year of discontinuous sobriety.😉 I have NEVER given up, just did not understand the true nature and SOURCE of my DIS-EASE until I did. It takes what it takes. No SHAME!

- I continued my work as the Leader and Space-Holder for White Flag Yoga of 12 Step Recovery. Holding Space for over three years now every week. This meeting is Open to anyone touched by addiction.

- I served The Yoga of 12 Step Recovery as their Non Profit Coordinator. We send Yoga 12 Step meetings into under resourced treatment centres and institutions that cannot afford to underwrite those programs.

-I managed, helped, fought and advocated for my son Lux with his journey in learning and navigating the best resources for his Dyslexia, Dyscalculia, Dysgraphia and ADHD. This is the hardest work of all. It kicks my ass every day pretty much...i mean from the moment i open my eyes.

- I held space for my teen daughter as she navigated her Sophomore year at Wando High and helped her to get to a better school for her as an individual.

- I created a nourishing home for my family and modelled the behaviour of a woman forever in process, imperfect and kind. Safe and nourishing. Present and loving. Stable and wise. A woman who seeks a higher version of herself through daily practice.

- Practiced prayer and meditation with movement daily. I maintained my daily yoga practice even if its just Childs pose some days.

- I created and launched my White Flag Yoga Website. ( YES! I did it! with a little help from Jason)

- I rode the pandemic and launched our White Flag Yoga 12 Meeting on ZOOM. Have not missed one Wednesday!

- Created and Launched the White Flag Speaker Series hosting amazing guests to inspire and inform sharing their experience strength and hope through Recovery and Yoga.

- Held Space for my husband as he walked his dad home to the beyond

- Self corrected when I got off track quicker than in past years. Lows not so low, highs not so high.

- Created and led the Second White Flag Retreat that created shifts and uplifted many spirits, opening and breaking through old story. This mades my heart buoyant and I actually floated for awhile. Felt bliss.

- I continued writing and working on my long time project which is now taking structure. Published to an online site and onto my blog! Progress!

- Took more online Kundalini trainings and mindfulness courses. Stayed in the study of my craft.

- Applied to Somatic Experiencing Institute

- Applied for Non Profit Status for a SCHOLARSHIP FUND for the White Flag Retreats so everyone has a chance to experience these up-leveling RETREAT experiences for your life and recovery.

- Created and launched the White Flag Practice called “EMBODY,” or better known as the Shakey Shakey…😘

- Sponsored/Mentored women and taking them through he 12 steps thoroughly and with intention and purpose

- Took the kids and friends on a truly magical vacation in the Blue Ridge mountains, hiking, swimming, singing, exploring, gem mining and and water falling

- Created boundaries and stood up for myself and my space when toxicity came my way. And it DID COME MY WAY. I am so much better at not trying to negotiate or be in relationship when it is clearly the other person’s deal!! This is HUGE GROWTH as I am first and foremost a recovering CO-DEPENDENT.

- Stayed married despite how hard it can be.

Things that crushed me

- I lost my second Mother Joan, who guided me throughout my life. She was a Mother to me and taught me about cooking, house-holding, gardening, art and living. She is my angel and she was born on Christmas Day and passed on Christmas Day. I LOVE YOU JOAN.

-The Pneumonia that took me down like nothing I had ever experienced. I felt comfortably numb. In between worlds. Could not breathe and recovered after 7 weeks.

-The death and suffering from the disease of addiction and all those that are affected by it.

-Homeschooling Lux. And Lux in general on the daily. This was pure CHAOS. His defiance and inability to do any academics. The melt downs, the yelling and resistance, the outbursts and craziness all because we are trying to force a square peg into a round hole in a broken system which a boy who does not learn that way. That is not HIS WAY. I learned a lot…. And I survived, and so did Lux:)

- The continued injustice and suffering of humans everywhere.

-Ongoing conflict in my marriage life. We are and have been on the edge of splitting up for so many years. We stay because the alternative is not so great either to be honest. We worry about our children and how they would fare, especially Lux. And on it goes… We will see.

- Holding space for the overall suffering of the collective. The political landscape was heavy and relentless. Could not even listen to my beloved NPR.

-The degrading images of the Syrian Families in exile and displaced and the ongoing unrest and division.

THINGS I WANT TO CRUSH :)

- Want to continue to grow in consciousness in all areas of my life

- To hold space for others to grow in their consciousness

- I want to lead more RETREATS for those touched by addiction and offer them all over the world. 🌍

- To offer scholarships for the Retreats for those that cannot afford it.

- To complete my “She Recovers” training and assist this organisation in their endeavour to help women rise

- To be the BEST MOM and incredible PARENT for my children. My daughter is half way through her junior year and Lux is at that precarious age of 10 going on 11…I want to be HERE NOW. To be PRESENT….REALLY PRESENT.

- To help Mazzie choose her University and give her a strong platform as she moves through her SAT’s and taking this next step in life.

- I WANT TO WRITE, complete and publish my book.

- Maintain my Daily Practice and share with others the recipe I use to maintain my connection as a Recovering woman from all the things.🙌

- I want to be a good friend to all in heart💓 spirit and action.

- I want to support my husband in what he needs to be the best version of himself. We have identified the piece that needs to change and if it cannot we will separate. I want to be strong and hold my boundaries.

-I want PEACE and BEING-NESS. Time in Nature. Time in Prayer and meditation. Time in my body through movement. Time in laughter. Time in my Childrens eyes. Time holding hands with everyone. Time in art and creativity. Time in all the senses. LOKAH SAMASTAH SUKHINO BHAVANTU {May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all.}

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