I did it again. How many times am I going to do THIS and regret it? How many times do I need to cycle through this pain, remorse, physical and emotional suffering, low self esteem, regret to get there. To get to the END of that action that causes me suffering.
It’s beyond my suffering because it affects those around me. My emotional state plummets because I am now feeling like shit about myself which affect the vibe of those around me. I don’t want to get in the water or even be in the sun now. My whole body itches and I am self conscious with the sun poisoning like bumps now all over my skin. That combined with the hypo pigmentation makes me look old, papery and shriveled and down I go further.
Who would want me? Who is going to love me? No, you know what, I don’t deserve it. I am not worthy of love. I am old, shriveled and unlovable.
Or I could just put some sunscreen on.